Mar/07
2010

DAYBREAKERS : PLANET OF THE VAMPIRES ?

This fuckin' story is as old as the world

I have read a few reviews about that movie, but as usual, they were all pieces of shit, in the sense that they just saw a vampire movie in it. I know better. This is not a fuckin' vampire film. It is a remake of many stories that have been told over and over again, about surviving in a world that has been totally fucked-up by some unknown funny disease or time-related flaw.

Whatever.

Planet of the Apes, remember ?

Well, the film concept is that of the old movie and TV series. If you look closely, or even if you don't, and just trust me about that, you will clearly see that the themes and even the cast of characters is really reminiscent of this Si-Fi classic. The two guys are ex-vampires and they try to protect the girl, who is the only one not to have ever been "turned" into a fuckin' bloodsucker. Exactly like Galen, the Ape in the TV series : he is in league with two stupid humans and they have lots of adventures trying to save their asses from Ourko, or something like that, the evil gorilla who wants to catch them.

So why the vampire shit ?

Vampires are very trendy nowadays. They come in all flavours, really, haven't you noticed ? There are the old-style fuckers which must be dealt with quickly, the teenage kind who are sexy bloodeaters who never drink your blood because they are respectful of the human race and all that shit. See my "Twilight" article about that if you wanna have my opinion about these pussy nosferatus. There was even a time when they were romantic and sentimental, like in "Interview with the Vampire". All in all, they sell.

The premise was not so bad, though !

What would happen in a world in which every fuckin' stupid individual is a vampire and blood reserves from humans started to dwindle. What would happen in times of blood crisis ? This is an interesting start, and scenes which show bloodsuckers attacking coffee shops selling coffee mixed with blood are quite good. But what failed to convince me that the movie would be clever enough till the end was the scene in which Ethan Hawke is "turned" into a human being again. I did not understand what the shit was the fact that putting a wet towel around his shoulders and expose him to sunlight had anything to do with the whole process from vampire to human. Was it meant to expel his body temperature or something ? Was it a way to prove that rejecting a vampire lifestyle by joining rebel humans could transform you back into one of them. BULLLSHHITTTT. MAJOR PLOT FLAW.

As soon as the plot sucks, bullshit settles in !

Yeah, this is exactly what happened.

Lots of gunfight, arrow-fight, fang-fight and assorted fistfight. Blood gushing everywhere, vampires biting one another (can you imagine that ? This is utter sacrilege !).

It just became a boring action movie with vampires. At least Blade had style. Lots of it. In the first two films, the atmosphere was really suffocating. In Daybreakers, you spend an okay time but no character is memorable. This will probably make a TV series.