1. NOT UNLIKE STAR WARS

Consider this : Mario and all his buddies are just Japanese imitations for all the sacred Star Wars characters. Why should I say so ?
Have a look at Mario himself. He looks like shit but he is the hero, there. Not unlike Luke Skywalker. Pay attention to his little brother Luigi. He may be a sidekick, but a cool one, just like Han Solo. Then you have a gallery of other stereotypes, just like in the space opera series.

2. THE DARK SIDE OF MARIO'S ADVENTURES

Bowser is the baddie. And he is allied to Donkey Kong, who is also a nasty piece of gorilla meatshit.
So which one stands for Darth Vader ? Make your choice, people. It is not my purpose to tell you. You have to decide, deep down in the bottom of your heart.

3. A PRINCESS STORY

So, if you follow my meaning, who is the Princess Leia in Mario's adventures ? Got it : Princess Peach. What does she do : In the Mario Kart series, she is in with the medium category characters with the fastest acceleration, the lowest top speed, and the best off-road ability to take the shortcuts on each course. Her special item in Mario Kart: Double Dash!! involves two hearts temporarily rotating around her kart, giving her whatever item they collide into. (courtesy Wikipedia)
She has got the fastest acceleration, which means she can be a real hottie to lure Mario in her traps, but she has also got the lowest top speed, meaning that when he gets his pants down and tries to show her his special welding tool, she proves to be straw fire. Not unlike Leia with Solo.

4. HIDDEN TREASURES

Bowser would also like to show her his tool, but she cannot bear the sight of him. Or it.
Hence, will we see more of Peach's charms in any distant future ? Nobody could tell.
Because, honestly, why am I playing this silly game of kicking each character's asses if not to see a glimpse of Peach's thong ?
AND, reader, don't think you have got anybody fooled here ! You keep playing this insane game just to fulfill your wet dreams of a Peach going upside down, landing on her blondie hair, her butt all exposed before your leary concupiscent eyes !
AND if you say it is not the truth, you will burn a thousand eternities in brimson and become ashes to be rekindled again in the Ungodly Fires of Gehenna. You know that is just what you deserve to be playing video games instead of doing your homework, anyway.

5. ATONEMENT

How should thee been punished, then ? I think you might flog yourself with the lash your father uses during his monthly S&M kinky sessions with his tax-gatherer. Don't even pretend you have never watched or perhaps video-taped these bouts of lusty conduct, because you have, obviously.
Or you would not be reading this.

6. CONCLUSION

Lewdness : 9.09764457876 out of 10

Gameplay : What's that ?

Don't miss my other totally awesome posts about video games :

Facebreaker, game for morons !
Brütal Legend : Lemmy screams in it !
Space Invaders Extreme !

Don't miss all the rest, or you'll die stupid !

MOVIES PAGE, BILLY BOY ! SO THAT YOU MIGHT GET A CLUE ABOUT THE BEST SHIT TO DOWNLOAD, HEY ?!
BOOK PAGE, MAN ! KNOW HOW TO READ, OR WHAT ?!
GADGETS PAGE, DUDE ! DON'T WANNA BE COOL WITH NEW USELESS SHIT ?!
MUSIC PAGE, BUDDY ! CHICKS DIG TO LISTEN TO SHIT ABOUT ROCK STARS !
TV SERIES PAGE, SHITTER ! HAVE YOUR FIX OF IDIOT BOX NONSENSE !
PEOPLE PAGE, MY MAN ! BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY WITH THIS COOL SHIT ABOUT INTERESTING DUDES !
RANDOM HATE PAGE, FELLA ! BECAUSE YOU LOVE TO HATE PEOPLE AND SHIT !
PETS PAGE, HANDSOME ! EVEN YOUR TAX COLLECTOR LOVES THEM !
WEB SHIT PAGE, BUTTHEAD ! SNAZZY PICS AND STORIES GALORE STOLEN FROM EVERYWHERE !