2009
I HATE MONKS !
Okay, there are two species of monks that I don't hate and even kinda revere. The first sort is from the real world and the second, from the literary world.
On my right, there are the Shaolin monks, who are the best fighters there is and who I am afraid of, and that's the reason why I won't say I hate them. One of them could sorta hear about it and I don't want him to travel all the way from Chinese misty mountains to kick the shit out of me.
On my left, the other ones, who don't exist, except in the books by the Marquis de Sade, in which they have fun with the new girly inmates sent by their wealthy families so that they can keep their virginity until marriage. Which sadly proves to be a mistake.
Shaolin and sadist monks excepted, I hate all the others. It's safe to do that and if you feel down sometimes, it's nice to think that there are people paid to pray for your sorry ass even if they don't know you personally and won't ever. It's just random praying missiles that are triggered from all the monkeries out there, aimed at not any particular country, people or objects.
Also, it's great fun to realize that if you go to a monkery somewhere, you could kick monks' asses for free because they are fat and mostly old geezers with long white beards, and they are not allowed to fight back. Great, innit ? There are plenty of monkeries here in France. We just seem to specialize in useless people in my country. They live in beautiful places in the French Alps where they do nothing than praying, singing the latest God's words and funky tunes of wisdom, making stinking cheese and sometimes alcolholic beverages that slam your brains silly if you drink more than a spoonful. And give you the hardest case of the runs you've ever experienced in your fucking lives.
Perhaps they organize religious meetings with sisters. Perhaps not. But I saw on tv the other day that they no longer draw images of demons roasting penitents' asses on flames and biting their heads off for an eternity of suffering. No, now they have the internet and they just fucking d/load information and print it. I swear I saw it on tv.
Problem is, what do they do with all that ? I am sure there is parental control from the Head Monk so that his troops can't go on porny sites and all, but the question remains. What can they bloody do on the web if they don't watch porn, play poker or buy shit because they have sworn the Oath of Poverty ? Can they buy robes from dedicated sites ? Or Roman Candles or religious shit like the Memoirs of Saint Therese of Avila ? I'm sure they can, anyway.
Were I a monk, I would create a meeting site or a social kinda second generation web bullshit. You would have to log in with a special password and you'd have your personal corners for prayers with a new maxim each day to meditate about. Also there would be the Confessing Forum.
All the members of the monkery world would have to enlist and nobody other than the Monk-in-Chief would have the root password to look at the sins of their congregations and send them private acts of repentance to apply for the following week. of course there would be monks hackers who would crack all the systems and blackmail their colleagues. Fun.
I hate them anyway, because there's no unemployment in monkeries. Monk is a life and probably death job.
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