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I am listening to them right now. It's "Gimme Shelter". Jagger has a bloody raucous voice which I have always hated. All right he sings in tune, but his voice just doesn't compare with those of lots of other shit-slingers of his kind. I prefer lower tones.

Yeah, I wrote zoo because this band doesn't look like a group of ordinary human beings like your neighbour and certainly not you. Just grab the sleeve of the album named "black and blue". They dared put their faces desperately enlarged on it and the result frightened my big sister out of her panties back in the ol' days.

We all know that Jagger was a guinea pig for highly-irradiating siliconed implants twenty-five years before you were born. It was a special experiment and the authorities were looking for a suitably innocuous, peace-mongering mongrel. Finding nobody, they decided that, being already the ugliest blues fan in London, nothing much couldn't happen to the boy. And they held him captive for at least two days. And judging by the size of his kisser, it bloody failed. He was then hired by the Royal Post Office for a week to lick stamps, but he couldn't extend his tongue long enough and they fired him.

The drum-machine, they named Charlie Watts. It was originally the ancestor of one of the Teenage Ninja Turtles, and his name was Fra Angelico. When you look a bit closely at this creature, you will see he had a hare's lip just like your nephew, that was operated only when he reached the age of nineteen, his parents being poor beggars from the East End. That's why you'll never hear him speak. He can't. He can't whistle, either and he can't smile, either either, because it's too bloody painful. He is fed by Intravenus de Milo, who is a master needle slinger, best-known for being Bruce Lee's grand auntie.

There was a famous bassist, who had a blood pressure below zero, and that was amazing. The man was known for never move anything else on stage than the two fingers necessary to play a bassline. Groupies had to queue to administer their salutary BJs to him, to try to revive him a little, but everything always failed. Some say he went to Antarctica to open a swimming-pool for nearly-exctint giant-penissed penguins, but nothing is more uncertain. He looked like a leech on Valium.

Jones, christianed Brian, died in a swimming-pool, because he took it for his tea-cup, being on more acid at the time than the entire British population, colonial empire included. He looked like a kind of bird, silent, perched on one foot, waiting for spiders to fall in its gaping beak. He was said to cry a lot, like an old ladybug.

Woodie, Ron being still his first name and you wonder why. He should have a Latin-like designation, in two or three words, like a newly-found sub-species of bald omnivorous baboon. Something like Guitarus baldybaboonum Woodium. He is cleary belonging to one of the less-evolved Simian tribes ever to be found on Earth. He smokes 12 cigarettes at the same time, containing the whole list of substances banned by the Pact of Warsaw, without one atom of tobacco in them. He will live and haunt us FOREVER.

I kept the best one for the end. Last but not least, as cops say, the brilliant mastermind of this fine selection of musicians. Keith Bloody Richards, ladies and gentlemen. His legend now includes the sniffing of his father's ashes mixed with a generous amount of coke and other chemicals. He has perhaps a tenth of the amount of putrefied bloodcells in his system than are to be located in Lemmy's crusty arteries, but the man should be long dead as well. He was reported falling from a coconut tree after seeing the Lion King and is still up for another money-stuffing world-wide tour.

Every single one of his brittle bones is long past fossilization state and when he dies, he won't leave his organs to be transferred to another person but directly into the British Museum vaults. He can no longer be classified as either human or animal, he is leaning on the mineral, cristal-like side. The kind he has smoked to much already.

WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGER :

Don't miss my other totally awesome posts about music :

The Sisters of Mercy : Hell of a fuckin' bitch !
The Doors : fuckin' hippies from California !
Motörhead : best rock band in the world !
THe Beatles : two down, two to go !
AC/DC : Old version was the best !
I Blame Coco : Sting's dauhter's unleashed !
Deep Purple : I never loved that band !
Nashville Pussy : they will fuck your ears silly !
Kiss : longest tongue in the world !
Led Zeppelin : heavy-metal gods turned into bag ladies !
Bob Marley : this man stole your marijuana !

Don't miss all the rest, or you'll die stupid !

MOVIES PAGE, BILLY BOY ! SO THAT YOU MIGHT GET A CLUE ABOUT THE BEST SHIT TO DOWNLOAD, HEY ?!
BOOK PAGE, MAN ! KNOW HOW TO READ, OR WHAT ?!
TV SERIES PAGE, SHITTER ! HAVE YOUR FIX OF IDIOT BOX NONSENSE !
GADGETS PAGE, DUDE ! DON'T WANNA BE COOL WITH NEW USELESS SHIT ?!
PEOPLE PAGE, MY MAN ! BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY WITH THIS COOL SHIT ABOUT INTERESTING DUDES !
PETS PAGE, HANDSOME ! EVEN YOUR TAX GATHERER LOVES THEM !
RANDOM HATE PAGE, FELLA ! BECAUSE YOU LOVE TO HATE PEOPLE AND SHIT !
VIDEO GAMES PAGE, GOV'NOR ! EVERTYHING EXPLAINED, ESPECIALLY WHY YOU SUCK SO MUCH AT THEM !
WEB SHIT PAGE, BUTTHEAD ! SNAZZY PICS AND STORIES GALORE STOLEN FROM EVERYWHERE !