CELL PHONES : YOU DON'T NEED YOURS !

Mar/29
2010

CELL PHONES : YOU DON'T NEED YOURS !

Listen, out there ! There's a big secret I'm gonna reveal to your amazed brains : you don't need a cell phone because there are many dullards among your close friends or even relatives that have got one ! A cell phone, that is. For a brain, it's another problem altogether. Isn't that the coolest bit of news since the invention of the wheel ?

It is.

Because nowadays, the need to smoke ordinary tobacco has been replaced by that of talking shit to anybody, just to have a proof of your arguable existence on this here nasty planet.

So now it's no longer 'Bum a smoke ?', but 'Bum a call ?'And in the process you save lots of money, make a friend feel good because he/she thinks he/she is doing a good deed and you can have your fix of nonsense with retards hooked on so-called 'communication' or 'social sharing' like you are.

You can even surf the web and take photos of your acne-ridden face with the new generation of pocket bullshit. And... Send SMSs, those nonsensical messages you've got to love SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH ! YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING WORTH THE SAYING BUT YOU WANT THE WHOLE PITIFUL WORLD OF YOUR HATEFUL CLOSARDS (meaning the human creatures you interact with) KNOW YOU'RE AN UNEDUCATED DUDE (OR DUDETTE). BECAUSE YOU AIN'T EVEN ABLE WRITING PROPER ENGLISH IN THE PROCESS. (Like me, I know. But that doesn't count, because I am akin to animals, being French).

I am allergic to phones. Even the non-movable ones. They give me rash.

When I get all the dough people will beg me to take because I have enlightened their sorry lives, I will hire a big-bosomed blonde secretary who will talk in these tiny boxes from hell. And do some other stuff for me, the kind of which you'd like to know about. But won't. Ever. At least not yet. Wait they make movies out of them !

My momma does not live far from my place, neither does my sista. My poppa being dead for years, and all the better for us, cause he was a nasty piece of shit who made an inferno of our lives. But enough of that. You'll read the crusty bits in my Memoirs some day.

Hence we, my momma, sista and I have devised a very convenient system. You first buy yogurt by the six-pack, like Budweiser (any flavour, I am partial to strawberry, but you can have your pick). Then you bore a tiny hole at the bottom of the container (preferably emptied before, because sound does not travel well through yogurt), then you insert a fishing string which end you tie to a match. Do this with the other receivers. Lo, behold ! You've got nice yogphones, is what you got.

No electrical waves will fry your non-existent brain. So smile.

Rating for yogphones : 19 out of 20