TWILIGHT, the first movie : Where are their fangs ?

Feb/22
2010

TWILIGHT, the first movie : Where are their fangs ?

I did not want to watch that movie, but as you know, there are many things you should not do, but do anyway.

Like finishing the peanuts packet or letting yourself loose on the chocolates or watching stupid movies on cable tv, or listening to Elvis Presley tunes while moving your hips in rhythm and risking hurting your back.

Things like that.

I thought this movie could not be good because so many teenagers like it and I am not a teenager and I thought proper vampire movies should be about real nasty bastards, like they are in books like Vampire Zero, by David Wellington. His vampires are real bastards. And nastier than your Physics teacher, yeah, the bald guy with steel-rimmed glasses, who caught you red-handed with the last test smuggled results.

But in Twilight, vampires are not all bastards.

There is Edward, and he is a protective good-looking guy, even though he has got a boxer's nose. He is a kind of vegetarian vampire, he says it himself in the film. His family and himself feed on animals, as if the human species was an undangered one. Funny ! And he can read minds, too, and is very ashamed at listening to rapers' dirty thoughts when they wanted to rape his prospective non-vampire girlfriend.

And he listens to Debussy.

And gets into his girlfriend's room nightly, just to watch her sleep, because he himself cannot do that. He must be cursed or something like that, you know, poor darling.

And what happens exactly in that feel-good movie ? Oh yeah, there are nasty vampires, too. A girl and a guy. And a black vampire, as well. But he turns out to be good, because you cannot fuck with black people's image too much now in American movies, since the president is black, too. Oh yeah, they kill the nasty blond guy vampire but the girl stays undead and is up for revenge.

I am asking : where are their fuckin' teeth, for Chrissakes ? Where has all the vampire lore and gimmicks gone ?

Down the teenage mainstream drain.

EDIT : I have just seen a programme on TV about the Twilight craze. One of the interviewees said that because of the author being Mormon, there were lots of religious shit in the books and the films. The fact for instance that the vampire does not want to make love to the girl and all that...
Well anyway, this franchise will probably make her nearly as rich as jK Rowling, and that's probably the whole point.

NOW WATCH THIIS, GIRLS !