2010
1. Get in the mood. Buy a kevlar cock shell. (Chuck-Norris style brands are advisable).
2. Stop stuffing your face with Doublemacs and donuts. Strap your beer gut so that it does not hide your cock anymore.
3. Pimp yourself, bitch ! Hos do not like their men without glittering teeth, jewelled glasses and twenty-five gold chains around their dicks.
4. You are just there for a shag, innit ? Then before you choose the lucky lady, practise and practise and practise again. Do not forget to empty the doll.
5. Feel better, now, eh dawg ? You can also practise thinking aloud : "Fuck you, Mom, I will get back when I feel like it !!"
6. Search the area for the likeliest preys. Bonnie the Turd may not be Scarlet Johansson but she looks for no Richard Geres either.
7. Stock for beer and drugs.
8. Stick to it if not successful right away. Change dealer accordingly.
9. Stick to it, but this time use coercion. The bitch will not always have a headache for Chrissakes !
10. Even Ted Bundy could do it, so stick to the corpse and have a good time, dawg !
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2010
1. ORIGINS
This bunch of nasty rodents' name has Persian origins (cf. Av hamaēstar "oppressor"). So that is the reason why they will want to govern your life, if you don't pay attention to their implicitly devious behaviour.
2. HABITS
Hamsters are crepuscular, according to Wikipedia.
Well, you have heard that story before, haven't you ? They live at night. They slumber all day long, then they fuckin' wake up to find food. And what may their food be, I am asking ?
Perhaps instead of "dried food, berries, nuts, fresh fruits and vegetables", as Wikipedia scholars say, they feed upon little babies toenails or their noseshit, who knows ? You maybe ? Definitely not I.
3. WILD LIFE
"It was not until 1930 thatresearchers were able to successfully breed and domesticate hamsters", again according to Wikipedia. What does that mean, readers ? Simply that these fuckin' rodents are untamable and that they are like cats : they use you for their own benefits.
They are much more perverted than cats, because of their smallness of size. They can creep on you in the middle of the afternnoon, when you are having your usual 2 p.m to 5 p.m nap, and they can harm you for life.
That's how hamsters behave, and nobody knows it. Except you, now.
4. LIFE EXPECTANCY
The positive side is that they don't live long. That's a relief, innit ? No more than two or three years in captivity, less tan that in the wild. So you are strongly advised to release them in some field or forest, so that they do not bother the human species any longer.
And you will save a lot of money on food and other pet paraphernalia, such as cage, hamster's wheel and all that kind of useless and noxious shit.
5. CANNIBAL MONSTERS !
Yes.
You did not misread. Hamsters are fuckin' cannibals, too, apart from all their other minor vices, they just eat their children. Says WikiFuckin'Pedia : "(..) if a captive hamster is left for extended periods (3-4 weeks or more) with her litter, there is a high possibility that she wlll cannibalize the litter".
Wow, what nice pets !
Perfect for children, aren't they ?
I'm fed up of updating this shit, go directly to:
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GADGETS PAGE, DUDE ! DON'T WANT TO BE COOL WITH NEW SHIT ?
MUSIC PAGE, BUDDY ! CHICKS LOVE TO LISTEN TO SHIT ABOUT ROCK STARS !
PEOPLE PAGE, MY MAN ! BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY WITH THIS COOL SHIT ABOUT INTERESTING DUDES !
PETS PAGE, HANDSOME ! EVEN YOUR TAX GATHERER LOVES THEM !
RANDOM HATE PAGE, FELLA ! BECAUSE YOU LOVE TO HATE PEOPLE AND SHIT !
VIDEO GAMES PAGE, GOV'NOR ! EVERTYHING EXPLAINED, ESPECIALLY WHY YOU SUCK SO MUCH AT THEM !
WEB SHIT PAGE, BUTTHEAD ! SNAZZY PICS AND STORIES GALORE STOLEN FROM EVERYWHERE !
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LINUX PAGE, GENIUS ! THE BEST OPERATING FUCKIN' SYSTEM FOR COMPUTERS IN THE WORLD, POSSIBLY !
2010
1. Opinion
This film is the proof that bullshit on Earth is not an old wives' tale.
I have seen it three times, and each new one came as a shock.
It is just a nightmare coming in front of your eyes and showing you all the bad things you have not ever wanted to happen to you, coming true. You want examples, I will give some choice samples.
2. Plot
You are a fucking Maths genius but you work as a janitor in a university full of less-gifted pricks than you. All because your daddy got drunk every night, beat the shit out of you and fucked the same to repair his wrongs. First Bullshit.
Then you are given probation for only-God-knows-what, perhaps for not giving condoms to your daddy before he fucked your sorry ass. Mystery. And you give the finger to all the good-minded people who want to help you. Second Bullshit.
You hang around with a bunch oflobotomized losers because it makes you feel safer. Third Bullshit.
You meet a wealthy cutie who is madly in love with you and you drop her. Fourth Bullshit.
You frenchkiss your therapist who is as crazy as you are and who got his own ass tampered with by his dad. So now you have met a scumbag like yourself. Last Bullshit.
3. Message
As this is Hollywood junk, you finally follow the girl out there in California, your friends keep on being morons and the therapist, I hope, commits suicide.
Not for all audiences.
4. Conclusion
Rating : 1,74678 out of 10
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PETS PAGE, HANDSOME ! EVEN YOUR TAX GATHERER LOVES THEM !
RANDOM HATE PAGE, FELLA ! BECAUSE YOU LOVE TO HATE PEOPLE AND SHIT !
VIDEO GAMES PAGE, GOV'NOR ! EVERTYHING EXPLAINED, ESPECIALLY WHY YOU SUCK SO MUCH AT THEM !
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2010
Why ?
Because of his nose, of his half-opened eyes, of his sneer, of his being the nephew of King Coppola, otherwise he would have stayed the little turd in the gutter he really is.
Hence, I had to hate a film starring him. That was easy. He is even worse than in all his other crimes on screen, because the other "actors" are equally hopeless.
2. Cast
Except perhaps one, whose name is of no consequence, but I liked his character, because it was a kind of gay demon, with a whitish face, a frown like your tax collector's and he could beat the shit out of a gang of tattooed bikers like he was picking his nose or scratching his demonic arse.
3. Message
See, I hate bikers because I won't ever been able to buy me a bike because I have a shitty job, like you. But I have the tatts, which is a beginning.
4. Plot
Johnny Blaze. What a reference for a skeleton with its head on flames, riding a bike which does not even explode. There is a hint of Blaze-Cage being cursed or whatever, helping old ladies not getting mugged by evil junkies, but really, that's not the point.
You get it. This movie is pointless The love interest is a slut who looks like JLo, with more tits and less arse.
She's a bitch but Blaze can't lay her because he could catch fire and his prick would vaginally cauterize her. Or some shit like that. Avoid that movie turd.
Conclusion
Rating : 0.50001 out of 10
I'm fed up of updating this shit, go directly to:
MOVIES PAGE, BILLY BOY ! SO THAT YOU MIGHT GET A CLUE ABOUT THE BEST SHIT TO DOWNLOAD, HEY ?!
Don't miss all the rest, or you'll die stupid !
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BOOK PAGE, MAN ! KNOW HOW TO READ OR WHAT ?
GADGETS PAGE, DUDE ! DON'T WANT TO BE COOL WITH NEW SHIT ?
MUSIC PAGE, BUDDY ! CHICKS LOVE TO LISTEN TO SHIT ABOUT ROCK STARS !
PEOPLE PAGE, MY MAN ! BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY WITH THIS COOL SHIT ABOUT INTERESTING DUDES !
PETS PAGE, HANDSOME ! EVEN YOUR TAX GATHERER LOVES THEM !
RANDOM HATE PAGE, FELLA ! BECAUSE YOU LOVE TO HATE PEOPLE AND SHIT !
VIDEO GAMES PAGE, GOV'NOR ! EVERTYHING EXPLAINED, ESPECIALLY WHY YOU SUCK SO MUCH AT THEM !
WEB SHIT PAGE, BUTTHEAD ! SNAZZY PICS AND STORIES GALORE STOLEN FROM EVERYWHERE !
GENIUS THOUGHTS CORNER, LUV !IT DOESN'T HURT TO THINK, AIN'T IT ?
LINUX PAGE, GENIUS ! THE BEST OPERATING FUCKIN' SYSTEM FOR COMPUTERS IN THE WORLD, POSSIBLY !
2010
Once upon a time, when I was around 12, I used to like "some" of this band's songs. They were definitely NOT "Free Bird', which is a stinging piece of acidic shit the very thought of makes me cringe.
To be honest, I just liked 'Sweet Home Alabama', because it's one of the first and probably the only song I could moderately play on the fucking piece of shit I would call my guitar. That and the other one for beginners, courtesy of Ned Pipeline, yes, that's the one : Stairway to the Heathens or something about a groupie who wanted to get laid in the staircase by everybody sporting a dick and long hair.
Half of Lynyrd Skynyrd was killed in a plane accident, I'm told. Should have been all of them, because after that fateful incident, the songs really took a shittier aspect it is not my purpose to harp upon on this meagre review.
Suffice it to say that with money and kneeling groupies to take care of their cocks, the musicians' waistlines gradually got so inflated that they no longer knew who the hell was giving them a blowjob backstage. So they insisted on girls with hair extensions, and that aggravated the plight of poor young women in India who have to sell their hair to buy food.
That's why if you have enough sense you'll turn off your radio each time these southern gentlemen sing about their poor pals who have sadly died.
Rating : 0.23 out of ten
I'm fed up of updating this shit, go directly to:
MOVIES PAGE, BILLY BOY ! SO THAT YOU MIGHT GET A CLUE ABOUT THE BEST SHIT TO DOWNLOAD, HEY ?!
Don't miss all the rest, or you'll die stupid !
TV SERIES PAGE, SHITTER ! HAVE YOUR FIX OF IDIOT BOX NONSENSE !
BOOK PAGE, MAN ! KNOW HOW TO READ OR WHAT ?
GADGETS PAGE, DUDE ! DON'T WANT TO BE COOL WITH NEW SHIT ?
MUSIC PAGE, BUDDY ! CHICKS LOVE TO LISTEN TO SHIT ABOUT ROCK STARS !
PEOPLE PAGE, MY MAN ! BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY WITH THIS COOL SHIT ABOUT INTERESTING DUDES !
PETS PAGE, HANDSOME ! EVEN YOUR TAX GATHERER LOVES THEM !
RANDOM HATE PAGE, FELLA ! BECAUSE YOU LOVE TO HATE PEOPLE AND SHIT !
VIDEO GAMES PAGE, GOV'NOR ! EVERTYHING EXPLAINED, ESPECIALLY WHY YOU SUCK SO MUCH AT THEM !
WEB SHIT PAGE, BUTTHEAD ! SNAZZY PICS AND STORIES GALORE STOLEN FROM EVERYWHERE !
GENIUS THOUGHTS CORNER, LUV !IT DOESN'T HURT TO THINK, AIN'T IT ?
LINUX PAGE, GENIUS ! THE BEST OPERATING FUCKIN' SYSTEM FOR COMPUTERS IN THE WORLD, POSSIBLY !
