2010
1. Get in the mood. Buy a kevlar cock shell. (Chuck-Norris style brands are advisable).
2. Stop stuffing your face with Doublemacs and donuts. Strap your beer gut so that it does not hide your cock anymore.
3. Pimp yourself, bitch ! Hos do not like their men without glittering teeth, jewelled glasses and twenty-five gold chains around their dicks.
4. You are just there for a shag, innit ? Then before you choose the lucky lady, practise and practise and practise again. Do not forget to empty the doll.
5. Feel better, now, eh dawg ? You can also practise thinking aloud : "Fuck you, Mom, I will get back when I feel like it !!"
6. Search the area for the likeliest preys. Bonnie the Turd may not be Scarlet Johansson but she looks for no Richard Geres either.
7. Stock for beer and drugs.
8. Stick to it if not successful right away. Change dealer accordingly.
9. Stick to it, but this time use coercion. The bitch will not always have a headache for Chrissakes !
10. Even Ted Bundy could do it, so stick to the corpse and have a good time, dawg !
I'm fed up of updating this shit, go directly to:
MOVIES PAGE, BILLY BOY ! SO THAT YOU MIGHT GET A CLUE ABOUT THE BEST SHIT TO DOWNLOAD, HEY ?!
Don't miss all the rest, or you'll die stupid !
TV SERIES PAGE, SHITTER ! HAVE YOUR FIX OF IDIOT BOX NONSENSE !
BOOK PAGE, MAN ! KNOW HOW TO READ OR WHAT ?
GADGETS PAGE, DUDE ! DON'T WANT TO BE COOL WITH NEW SHIT ?
MUSIC PAGE, BUDDY ! CHICKS LOVE TO LISTEN TO SHIT ABOUT ROCK STARS !
PEOPLE PAGE, MY MAN ! BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY WITH THIS COOL SHIT ABOUT INTERESTING DUDES !
PETS PAGE, HANDSOME ! EVEN YOUR TAX GATHERER LOVES THEM !
RANDOM HATE PAGE, FELLA ! BECAUSE YOU LOVE TO HATE PEOPLE AND SHIT !
VIDEO GAMES PAGE, GOV'NOR ! EVERTYHING EXPLAINED, ESPECIALLY WHY YOU SUCK SO MUCH AT THEM !
WEB SHIT PAGE, BUTTHEAD ! SNAZZY PICS AND STORIES GALORE STOLEN FROM EVERYWHERE !
GENIUS THOUGHTS CORNER, LUV !IT DOESN'T HURT TO THINK, AIN'T IT ?
LINUX PAGE, GENIUS ! THE BEST OPERATING FUCKIN' SYSTEM FOR COMPUTERS IN THE WORLD, POSSIBLY !
2010
THIS MOVIE IS A RIP-OFF !
"Norwegian-zombie-Nazis, nuff said really. The acting is awful, it (is, my correction) poorly shot, badly written and the English dubbing isn’t up to scratch, but jaysus what a concept. A bunch of medical students go to a mountain lodge for Easter break. When they arrive a local reveals to them the dark past of a Nazi troop who were stationed in the area, who abused the locals. The locals chased them out and the Nazi’s supposedly froze in the mountain. The students find out that many murders have taken place in the area by men in WWII military attire. This movie is passable although could have been a lot better executed."
And as it is a rip-off, these preceding lines are also a rip-off from a blog, which address is : tadghoc.wordpress.com
I do not agree much with this poorly-written review, because I found that flick even worse than what the guy said about it.
NORWEGIAN GIRLS ARE UGLY !
Wait a minute ! Scandie bitches are all fuckin' hot in any picture you see on any porn site ! In this stupid flick I realized that they were just ordinary sluts and they did not turn me on ! Shame on the film's director ! Couldn't he at least manage to find one okay-looking bitch in his whole fuckin' nearly-Russian country ?
Because Russian bitches are very good-looking and totally dirty, too. Usually.
WHY DON'T THEY FUCKIN' SPEAK A NORMAL LANGUAGE ?
I d/loaded that piece of shite, right. All the reviewers out there have done the same, eve if they pretend to have seen it in some laughably unknown shit horror film festival somewhere near their fuckin' villages or wherever. They lie. They did just like I dood.
But the fuckin' version I got was not even subtitled in English, and of course anywhere near dubbed in this language. So I ended up with a badly-acted, bitches-free, eye-tiring Norwegian-speaking piece of shit zombie movie. It is a bit too much, In my not-so-humble opinion.
Why eye-tiring ? Because this concept of Nazi zombies with their black uniforms, as the bastards were SS troopers of course, to make it more blacky-whitey on the screen, was just a fuckin' eye sore to begin with. My eyes nearly bled watching it on my 12-inch laptop screen. Because I am so poor I can't afford a big Apple 48-inches flat screen, like most of you, bastards !
The director should have paid more attention to the plot, which is inexistent and to the acting, which is laughable, even in Norwegian.
I'LL TELL YOU WHERE THE PLOT WAS STOLEN !
Maybe I'm wrong, because I could not get a word of that fuckin' dialogue, but as this story was rather simple, you did not have to be an Einstein of the camera to identify immediately where the storyline had been ripped from.
Remember a bunch of stupid-looking pirates who wanted to retrieve all the fuckin' gold coins they had stolen in their lives for the curse on them to be cancelled ? Yeah, you got it : it's Uncle Disney's fuckin' Pirates of the Carribean, 1st part, I am talking about.
And these guys have done what, in terms of plot ? Just make the fuckin' Nazis want to retrieve a box full of money that the students had found and stolen.
And the only sex scene (happening in the toilet shed out there in the snow) in the film did not even focused on the bitch's tits correctly !
Rating : 0,00000000000000000000051000000 out of 10
Check the trailer there...Don't miss my other totally awesome posts about Movies :
Daybreakers : Planet of the Vampires ?
Inglourious Basterds : As shitty as other Taratino's movies !
The Matrix : Uri Geller's coffee spoons and other shit!
Twilight, the 1st movie : where are their fangs ?
Zombieland : as funny as Shaun of the Dead ?
Starship Troopers : Bugs that Suck your Brains !
Percy Jackson : Harry Potter with a HOT girlfriend ?
Ninja Assassin : Buckets of blood !
Prince of Darkness : Satan shit and horny students !
300, the movie : Lots of Gay Chippendales !
The Watchmen : Nice fights but not enough sex !
Donnie Darko : whoever pretends to understand that film is a fuckin' liar !
The Descent : six silly bitches got what they deserved
Titanic, let it sink, please !
The Crow : Brandon Lee fucked up !
28 weeks after : zombie from The Full Monty !
District 9 : Racism exposed
I'm fed up of updating this shit, go directly to:
MOVIES PAGE, BILLY BOY ! SO THAT YOU MIGHT GET A CLUE ABOUT THE BEST SHIT TO DOWNLOAD, HEY ?!
Don't miss all the rest, or you'll die stupid !
BOOK PAGE, MAN ! KNOW HOW TO READ OR WHAT ?
TV SERIES PAGE, SHITTER ! HAVE YOUR FIX OF IDIOT BOX NONSENSE !
GADGETS PAGE, DUDE ! DON'T WANT TO BE COOL WITH NEW SHIT ?
MUSIC PAGE, BUDDY ! CHICKS LOVE TO LISTEN TO SHIT ABOUT ROCK STARS !
PEOPLE PAGE, MY MAN ! BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY WITH THIS COOL SHIT ABOUT INTERESTING DUDES !
PETS PAGE, HANDSOME ! EVEN YOUR TAX GATHERER LOVES THEM !
RANDOM HATE PAGE, FELLA ! BECAUSE YOU LOVE TO HATE PEOPLE AND SHIT !
VIDEO GAMES PAGE, GOV'NOR ! EVERTYHING EXPLAINED, ESPECIALLY WHY YOU SUCK SO MUCH AT THEM !
WEB SHIT PAGE, BUTTHEAD ! SNAZZY PICS AND STORIES GALORE STOLEN FROM EVERYWHERE !
GENIUS THOUGHTS CORNER, LUV !IT DOESN'T HURT TO THINK, AIN'T IT ?
LINUX PAGE, GENIUS ! THE BEST OPERATING FUCKIN' SYSTEM FOR COMPUTERS IN THE WORLD, POSSIBLY !
2010
I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY
Because they had fuckin' hits like Smoke on the Water, or Speed King, or Black Night. Hell, Black Night is a fucking good song. But I guess I never really liked Ian Gillian's voice.
I LOVE RITCHIE BLACKMORE, THOUGH
Mainly because everyone hates him. He had this fuck-you-all attitude and never wanted to compromise his big vision with the band's down-to-earth goal of making as much money and banging as many groupies as possible. That's the reason why everybody hated him at the time. And also why all his subsequent projects have been failures. He was not rock'n'roll enough, probably.
REMEMBER LOSERS CALLED "STATUS QUO" ?
Yeah, this was a lousy English boogie band that had his 15 minutes popularity at the start of the eighties. Most famous hits was called "Down, down". They were total freaks and they looked like shit, especially the singer and the bass player. Oh and the guitar player, too. Don't remember much about who played the drums. To add to their loser cult status (quo), Prince Charles, yeah, the one with the big red ears, said that it was his favourite band. Why do I refer to them ? Oh, yeah, a friend of mine said that they were better than Deep Purple. But what do you learn to play electric guitar on ? Down, down or Smoke on the Water ? Yeah, Ritchie Blackmore was a genius.
Don't miss my other totally awesome posts about music :
The Doors : Fuckin' Hippies from California
I Blame Coco : Sting's dauhter's unleashed !
Motörhead : best rock band in the world !
The Beatles : two down, two to go !
The Rolling Stones : Uglier than ever !
AC/DC : Old version was the best !
The Sisters of Mercy : Hell of a fuckin' bitch !
Nashville Pussy : they will fuck your ears silly !
Kiss : longest tongue in the world !
Led Zeppelin : heavy-metal gods turned into bag ladies !
Bob Marley : this man stole your marijuana !
Don't miss all the rest, or you'll die stupid !
MOVIES PAGE, BILLY BOY ! SO THAT YOU MIGHT GET A CLUE ABOUT THE BEST SHIT TO DOWNLOAD, HEY ?!
BOOK PAGE, MAN ! KNOW HOW TO READ, OR WHAT ?!
TV SERIES PAGE, SHITTER ! HAVE YOUR FIX OF IDIOT BOX NONSENSE !
GADGETS PAGE, DUDE ! DON'T WANNA BE COOL WITH NEW USELESS SHIT ?!
PEOPLE PAGE, MY MAN ! BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY WITH THIS COOL SHIT ABOUT INTERESTING DUDES !
PETS PAGE, HANDSOME ! EVEN YOUR TAX GATHERER LOVES THEM !
RANDOM HATE PAGE, FELLA ! BECAUSE YOU LOVE TO HATE PEOPLE AND SHIT !
VIDEO GAMES PAGE, GOV'NOR ! EVERTYHING EXPLAINED, ESPECIALLY WHY YOU SUCK SO MUCH AT THEM !
WEB SHIT PAGE, BUTTHEAD ! SNAZZY PICS AND STORIES GALORE STOLEN FROM EVERYWHERE !
GENIUS THOUGHTS CORNER, LUV !IT DOESN'T HURT TO THINK, AIN'T IT ?
LINUX PAGE, GENIUS ! THE BEST OPERATING FUCKIN' SYSTEM FOR COMPUTERS IN THE WORLD, POSSIBLY !
2010
ULTMATE GOTHIC VOICE
I saw these fuckers twice. Once at the Lyceum, in London, around 1985, and the second time when they invaded the Royal Albert Hall, gig during which a video was shot.
THIS IS IT :
It was also around 1985. They were the shit at that time. Everyone was talking about them, and they deserved it.
Andrew Eldritch was completely full of amphetamins on that day and there might have been traces of multiple other known and unknown substances in his blood system. In fact, he looked as if he had no blood left. His face was that of a corpse, and he sang from the Great Beyond.
The Ultimate Gothic Voice.
THE ULTIMATE GOTHIC BITCH
I was there at the doors of the RAH, and we were waiting for them to open. There was this gothic babe standing alone, just staring at us, my buddy Oliver and I. Of course, she was just watching me, although he pretended he had caught her eye.
Then we approached her, insensibly. Dark-haired, purple-lipsticked and fully-bosomed, although she made a show of hiding her 36 DD boobs. Gothic tits, I musingly wondered how really different they were from, say, disco bitches' ones.
Then, in the queue, I pressed against her, pretending the very polite goth people had pushed me onto her butt, which was not flat, either. At all. She turned to me and she did not pretend to be annoyed. She really was. But said nothing. Probably thinking we were going to behave like ordinary gothic boys, and let her be.
We were not.
THE ULTIMATE CONCERT BLOW JOB
See, we had this fantasy with my buddy Oliver, to get a bitch at a concert and have her satisfy all our sexual needs. Which we had never been able to realize.
Yet.
I mainly blamed Oliver because of his bad smell and yellow teeth. Probably also because he had a beard at that time, which he finally got rid of to successfully get laid.
This here gothic bitch pretended she was not really with us when she followed us into the toilets, because she had to keep steady, as she managed to say before she kneeled and got busy with our foreign cocks.
The lace on her wrists was a bit itchy against mine, but Oliver semed to appreciate that. She did not give us her telephone number, but she took down mine, after wiping a bit of Oliver's semen, spilt on her frilly gown collar.
THE ULTIMATE FIGHT
I like to think about this concert, because it was noisy, sexy, and we even had to smash a bit of gothic nose. The ultimate bitch had singled us out in the crowd for her buddies, whom she was probably supposed to suck off instead of us, but who arrived probably a bit too late this evening.
She might have complained to them about our abusing her, or attempted rape against her slutty person, so that they had decided to avenge her. Or they did not like the spunk stains we left on her clothes.
We were so fucked up after drinking Jack Daniel's during the concert (we had nearly three quarters of a liter each), that we thought we could take them all and started to kick their balls and headbutt them accordingly.
Next morning, I woke up sore and I never knew whose vomit I had collected on the sleeve of my jacket.
ANOTHER GLIMPSE OF THAT FUCKIN' GIG :
Nor did I ever knew whose blood it was on the side of my right boot.
Following week-end, the gothic bitch phoned me.
Don't miss my other totally awesome posts about music :
The Doors : Fuckin' Hippies from California
I Blame Coco : Sting's dauhter's unleashed !
Deep Purple : I never loved that band !
Motörhead : best rock band in the world !
The Beatles : two down, two to go !
The Rolling Stones : Uglier than ever !
AC/DC : Old version was the best !
Nashville Pussy : they will fuck your ears silly !
Kiss : longest tongue in the world !
Led Zeppelin : heavy-metal gods turned into bag ladies !
Bob Marley : this man stole your marijuana !
Don't miss all the rest, or you'll die stupid !
MOVIES PAGE, BILLY BOY ! SO THAT YOU MIGHT GET A CLUE ABOUT THE BEST SHIT TO DOWNLOAD, HEY ?!
BOOK PAGE, MAN ! KNOW HOW TO READ, OR WHAT ?!
TV SERIES PAGE, SHITTER ! HAVE YOUR FIX OF IDIOT BOX NONSENSE !
GADGETS PAGE, DUDE ! DON'T WANNA BE COOL WITH NEW USELESS SHIT ?!
PEOPLE PAGE, MY MAN ! BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY WITH THIS COOL SHIT ABOUT INTERESTING DUDES !
PETS PAGE, HANDSOME ! EVEN YOUR TAX GATHERER LOVES THEM !
RANDOM HATE PAGE, FELLA ! BECAUSE YOU LOVE TO HATE PEOPLE AND SHIT !
VIDEO GAMES PAGE, GOV'NOR ! EVERTYHING EXPLAINED, ESPECIALLY WHY YOU SUCK SO MUCH AT THEM !
WEB SHIT PAGE, BUTTHEAD ! SNAZZY PICS AND STORIES GALORE STOLEN FROM EVERYWHERE !
GENIUS THOUGHTS CORNER, LUV !IT DOESN'T HURT TO THINK, AIN'T IT ?
LINUX PAGE, GENIUS ! THE BEST OPERATING FUCKIN' SYSTEM FOR COMPUTERS IN THE WORLD, POSSIBLY !
2010
FOREWORD
Some more intelligent people than me said that there were lots of references in this film, and it could be a mixture of Alice in Wonderland, Sleeping Beauty, and lots of other shit. Ah, and an Uri Geller spoon twisting act, revisited. You don't know him ? He was a fraud, pretending he could bind metal by the sole power of his mind. Fucking crook. Just like the Filipinos Barehanded Doctors. Remember these shitters ? They hid pork kidneys in their hands and a bit of tomato sauce, and lo ! they "operated" morons and took their money.
1. Opinion
The Matrix was okay to see once, but it kinda bore me solid when I tried to watch it a second time. Because first, I think Keanu Reeves is a shitty actor. He's got only one or two facial expressions available in his actor's kit. He can look stupid, and bored. That's about all.
Girls like him, because of course, he's better-looking than you or me. That's easy. Guys hate him, for the same reason. And it's the same shit for all movie stars. In fact, we love to hate them. Why do you think there are so many paparazzi out there ? To show you that these people are exacly as mean-minded, stupid and shitty as you are. And you like to hear and read, and see about them. Just like me, sons-of-bitches.
It's good when the mighty fall or go to rehab, or die, because they can't help smoking or injecting or swallowing more shit than you'd dare to. You're like me, you don't have the balls to fuck up your life in an aesthetic kinda way.
2. Plot
So let's talk about the white rabbit. It's a character in Alice in Wonderland, and he ushers Alice into the story, 'cause the young bitch stupidly follows him. Neo/Reeves is just as stupid and does the same. Otherwise there'd be no story, okay.
Then, we don't know nothing about the furry bastard, except that it was a tattoo on a girl's shoulder. And it sucks. I don't know about you, but I really hate when the director sprinkles his movie with shit coming from the films he had seen as a teenage pimpled-ridden bastard and thinks it's cool to flood you with.
3. Rant
The whole Tarantino fucking method. This guy is a piece of shit. He stole everything from other more talented people, who at least had some kind of vision he 'll never have. Even if it's mostly a blurry one. Fuck that stinking piece of uber-shit.
4. Mistakes
It's not post-modernist films he's doing. It's just a rip off from others. I hate the fag. May he rot in Hell.
I sincerely hope you all have enough common sense to see that the Wachovski fucking bros did exactly the same. Or else you're not worthy to read these ramblings and can go fuck yourself.
5. Conclusion
Rating 0.875 out of 10
THE MATRIX : TRAILER :
Don't miss my other totally awesome posts about Movies :
Daybreakers : Planet of the Vampires ?
Inglourious Basterds : As shitty as other Taratino's movies !
Twilight, the 1st movie : where are their fangs ?
Zombieland : as funny as Shaun of the Dead ?
Starship Troopers : Bugs that Suck your Brains !
Percy Jackson : Harry Potter with a HOT girlfriend ?
Ninja Assassin : Buckets of blood !
Prince of Darkness : Satan shit and horny students !
Dead Snow : Nazi Pirates of the Scandinavian Mountains ?
300, the movie : Lots of Gay Chippendales !
The Watchmen : Nice fights but not enough sex !
Donnie Darko : whoever pretends to understand that film is a fuckin' liar !
The Descent : six silly bitches got what they deserved
Dead Snow : Nazi Pirates of the Scandinavian Mountains ?
Titanic, let it sink, please !
The Crow : Brandon Lee fucked up !
28 weeks after : zombie from The Full Monty !
District 9 : Racism exposed
I'm fed up of updating this shit, go directly to:
MOVIES PAGE, BILLY BOY ! SO THAT YOU MIGHT GET A CLUE ABOUT THE BEST SHIT TO DOWNLOAD, HEY ?!
Don't miss all the rest, or you'll die stupid !
BOOK PAGE, MAN ! KNOW HOW TO READ OR WHAT ?
TV SERIES PAGE, SHITTER ! HAVE YOUR FIX OF IDIOT BOX NONSENSE !
GADGETS PAGE, DUDE ! DON'T WANT TO BE COOL WITH NEW SHIT ?
MUSIC PAGE, BUDDY ! CHICKS LOVE TO LISTEN TO SHIT ABOUT ROCK STARS !
PEOPLE PAGE, MY MAN ! BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY WITH THIS COOL SHIT ABOUT INTERESTING DUDES !
PETS PAGE, HANDSOME ! EVEN YOUR TAX GATHERER LOVES THEM !
RANDOM HATE PAGE, FELLA ! BECAUSE YOU LOVE TO HATE PEOPLE AND SHIT !
VIDEO GAMES PAGE, GOV'NOR ! EVERTYHING EXPLAINED, ESPECIALLY WHY YOU SUCK SO MUCH AT THEM !
WEB SHIT PAGE, BUTTHEAD ! SNAZZY PICS AND STORIES GALORE STOLEN FROM EVERYWHERE !
GENIUS THOUGHTS CORNER, LUV !IT DOESN'T HURT TO THINK, AIN'T IT ?
LINUX PAGE, GENIUS ! THE BEST OPERATING FUCKIN' SYSTEM FOR COMPUTERS IN THE WORLD, POSSIBLY !
2010
REASON ONE
My workmates will try to steal it from me as soon as I go to the rest room.
REASON TWO
I won't have anymore money to pay for my subscriptions to the thousands of porn sites I am a distinguished member of.
REASON THREE
I hate virtual keyboards, because I hate cell phones, and cell phones mainly have them.
REASON FOUR
With that operating system, you don't get any viruses anymore, so it is not fun, because running antivruses software is a part of computer fun. Almost as fun as defragmenting porn-laden HDDs.
REASON FIVE
Its name is stupid. It sounds like a cold war secret code : Operation iPad. Or like some Korean Flu outbreak.
REASON SIX
I am sure it is not waterproof. I like waterproof gadgets, like my bike. I can ride it under the rain, for example.
REASON SEVEN
Is it even partly recyclable ? I bet not. What do you use it for when it is out-of-fashion ? Digital frame ?
REASON EIGHT
If it was advertised with two or three big-bosomed tight assed blond bimbo bitches licking it on all fours, maybe I would consider stealing it from one of my pals, who is stupid enough to want that piece of shit. But it is only featured with crap-looking geeks who probably use their toothbrushes to clean their arses and their imaginary girlfriends' vaginas with.
So I won't buy it.
Don't miss my other totally awesome posts about Gadgets !
Cell phones : you don't need yours !
Don't miss all the rest, or you'll die stupid !
MOVIES PAGE, BILLY BOY ! SO THAT YOU MIGHT GET A CLUE ABOUT THE BEST SHIT TO DOWNLOAD, HEY ?!
BOOK PAGE, MAN ! KNOW HOW TO READ, OR WHAT ?!
TV SERIES PAGE, SHITTER ! HAVE YOUR FIX OF IDIOT BOX NONSENSE !
MUSIC PAGE, BUDDY ! CHICKS LOVE TO LISTEN TO SHIT ABOUT ROCK STARS !
PEOPLE PAGE, MY MAN ! BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY WITH THIS COOL SHIT ABOUT INTERESTING DUDES !
PETS PAGE, HANDSOME ! EVEN YOUR TAX GATHERER LOVES THEM !
RANDOM HATE PAGE, FELLA ! BECAUSE YOU LOVE TO HATE PEOPLE AND SHIT !
VIDEO GAMES PAGE, GOV'NOR ! EVERTYHING EXPLAINED, ESPECIALLY WHY YOU SUCK SO MUCH AT THEM !
WEB SHIT PAGE, BUTTHEAD ! SNAZZY PICS AND STORIES GALORE STOLEN FROM EVERYWHERE !
GENIUS THOUGHTS CORNER, LUV !IT DOESN'T HURT TO THINK, AIN'T IT ?
LINUX PAGE, GENIUS ! THE BEST OPERATING FUCKIN' SYSTEM FOR COMPUTERS IN THE WORLD, POSSIBLY !
